A New Song

Today, was the first day of orientation at IHOPU. How do i explain my feelings of dis-orientation while at orientation? I have had a growing sense of urgency, and nervousness the closer we've gotten to the start of school. I couldn't really put a name to why i was nervous, or what was making me so restless, but the feelings just wouldn't go away. And sitting in orientation listening to people talk about what we were about to step into i felt even more nervous. I'm mean seriously, what was i doing there? What were we thinking? We gave up security-a house, two jobs, money, friends-and moved away to go to school, and not even a lofty school that would earn us big degrees and high paying jobs after, but a school that taught exactly the opposite of what the world was teaching. They were asking us to devote our time to worshiping someone we can't see, give up food to fast and pray, spend countless hours pleading for other nations, and for what? Just so i can say that i did it?

Dis-orientated at orientation. Lovely.

And then, Terri Terry from FMA (Forerunner Music Academy) got up and said that God had given her a song for all the FMA students (ps, that's me). They asked us to stand, and this is what was sung over us;

"He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to the Lord. Many will see, many will hear, and put their trust, their trust in the Lord."

They asked us to raise our hands, and to repeat what we were hearing, because it was the song for our class.

And standing there, with my hands raised singing a song i've never heard, i knew; This is why i am here. This is what i was made for.

Nothing else matters. Everything that i gave up was nothing, nothing compared to knowing who i am in His eyes and what He made me for. How could i ever think that the things of this world would be worth more than what He can give me? Anything i have to do without while seeking Him is nothing compared to what i gain for being consecrated unto Him. Nothing is worth more than His Love.

I've always been slightly uncomfortable in my own skin. Not ever feeling like i really fit anywhere. People always told me i was unique, different, just a polite way of saying i was weird. But right then, in that moment, God made it clear to me that this is exactly where i belong. In His presence, with a new song on my lips, a worshiper who will never fit in with the world, but will always have a place in the eye of my Maker.

God led us here to show me who i am, and where i fit in His Kingdom.

I am a worshiper, and no matter what the world says or how they hate me, i know who i am to Him.