Tonight, in the prayer room, God hit me with some pretty weighty issues. Please note, that i am not claiming this as truth, i am just recounting what God spoke to me tonight. If anything written here offends your spirit, please seek God on the issue and read what His Word says about it.
This is what God spoke to me;
We've heard the stories the stories so many times that we don't stop to consider if they're real or not. Do you believe the Word of God? Do you accept every truth that He speaks in His Word?
Have you stopped to consider that Moses marched a whole nation across dry ground that was once a river? Do you believe that Elijah called fire down out of heaven? Do you believe that Jesus really turned water into wine that party goers actually drank?
And most of all, do you truly believe He died for you?
He suffered physical pain. His hands were nailed to a tree. He literally carried the weight of our sins. He bled, and died, so that you might live.
Here we are, in our comfortable Christianity, annoyed if someone sits in our pew on Sunday. We'd rather go to a movie than church. We pervert our minds watching hours upon hours of T.V. and yet we don't devote a single hour to being with Jesus.
Jesus grieves over us.
Can you feel His pain? Can you hear His anguished cry to the Father?
There is a burning desire in Jesus' heart for intimacy with us. And He will stop at nothing until He posses our complete heart.
Do you know that God's judgment over people and nations is actually an attempt to wake them up to His desire for them, and give them a chance to repent of their sins?
And here we sit, ignoring God's judgments. Rationalizing away or sins, content to live in our complacency.
As i sat before Him, He spoke this to my heart about believers today;
"You're so worried about the 'good' things you're doing...But what about the wickedness of man?
You say God, what about the church? Won't you relent and not bring Your judgments on us because of all the good things we do? Won't You relent because we help the poor and hold prayer meetings in Your name?
But the Day is coming when My Righteousness will be poured out...
And I say to you, what about My children? What about the millions of babies that are aborted in the name of comfort and convenience? Who weeps for them? Who's hands does their blood belong to? Do you hear them crying for justice?
No. But I hear their cries, and I will justify.
What about My children who go through life in chains? Held in bondage in the name of slothfulness and pleasure? Who comforts them in the night? Why are they not set free to live? Who's sin holds them there? Do you hear their cries for justice?
No. But I do, and I will come to make all things right.
Nations will be judged for their sins, because they do not repent, because they have hardened their hearts against Me. Because they live in tolerance of the sin around them.
A day is coming, when heaven will be silent, and the prayers of the oppressed will rise to me. The heart of the Father will be moved with Righteous Anger over the cries of those you have turned your back on.
I will justify them.
Their cries will not go unanswered for much longer. I will come. And I won't relent until all things are made right and the cries of my children are answered and the wickedness of man is atoned for.
Do not forget that I AM the Righteous Judge.
I will come again as the Judge.
I will come and justify."
Do we understand Him as the Judge? Do we understand His Righteousness in judging the nations for their sins?
My world has been rocked by what i have learned about His character, the truth about who He is. Have we taken the time to understand Him?
Do we know why He hates our complacency?
I am moved by the new understandings i am gaining about Him.
And all i have to say is;
'The Spirit and the Bride say come!'
-Revelations 22:17
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
All Things New.
My night truly started with the song, Jesus Lover of My Soul. Although i'd been in the prayer room for two hours already, i'd only been in a time of waiting on what God had for me tonight. All in one instant, a reality hit me that stirred me to tears;
"I Love You, i need You, though my world may fall, I'll never let You go, my Savior, my closest Friend, i will worship You until the very end"...
My closest Friend.
God wants to be my closest friend, Jesus, my Savior wants to be my closest friend.
But do i want to be His?
A friend is someone you talk to, a close friend is someone you tell everything to. That you cry with, fight with, go to when your world is upside down.
How many of us can truly say that God is our closest friend?
As my heart ached over the thought that God might not truly be my closest friend in this life, i happened to glance over, and someone caught my eye.
In the corner, slightly hidden from the view of everyone else, was a handicapped girl. And as the song continued on to 'Jesus, Lover of my Soul', the girl sang, completely absorbed in adoration of Jesus. I wept because of the beauty of what i saw in that moment;
He was her closest friend.
How many of us, are so caught up in what we look like to others that we can't worship Him the way that He's asking us. We're so caught up in the complexities of what we think it means to 'know' Him and to 'Love' Him with all of our heart that we miss the simplicity of Loving Him and being Loved by Him.
"Jesus, Lover of my soul, Jesus, i will never let you go, You've taken me, from the miry clay, set my feet upon a rock, and now i know, i Love you"
Thinking about that girl, most normal Americans would see her as someone to pity, to feel bad for. But how can we feel bad, when the Creator of the universe is her best friend?
There is something to be said of simplicity of mind and spirit.
My thoughts turned to Anessa, and the prison she is confined to in this life. But for a moment, what i saw in that girl, i could see in Anessa. She may not be able to talk to us, but i believe she sees and knows more than can.
And someday, she's going to be released from that prison.
I cried tears of joy, and praised God for the day that she would stand among to multitudes and sing to the Lover of her soul. Praise the Lord, in His Kingdom she will be made whole again, the way she was always meant to be.
God is going to take back all the years the enemy has stolen from her.
In Christ, we have a hope for the future.
"I Love You, i need You, though my world may fall, I'll never let You go, my Savior, my closest Friend, i will worship You until the very end"...
My closest Friend.
God wants to be my closest friend, Jesus, my Savior wants to be my closest friend.
But do i want to be His?
A friend is someone you talk to, a close friend is someone you tell everything to. That you cry with, fight with, go to when your world is upside down.
How many of us can truly say that God is our closest friend?
As my heart ached over the thought that God might not truly be my closest friend in this life, i happened to glance over, and someone caught my eye.
In the corner, slightly hidden from the view of everyone else, was a handicapped girl. And as the song continued on to 'Jesus, Lover of my Soul', the girl sang, completely absorbed in adoration of Jesus. I wept because of the beauty of what i saw in that moment;
He was her closest friend.
How many of us, are so caught up in what we look like to others that we can't worship Him the way that He's asking us. We're so caught up in the complexities of what we think it means to 'know' Him and to 'Love' Him with all of our heart that we miss the simplicity of Loving Him and being Loved by Him.
"Jesus, Lover of my soul, Jesus, i will never let you go, You've taken me, from the miry clay, set my feet upon a rock, and now i know, i Love you"
Thinking about that girl, most normal Americans would see her as someone to pity, to feel bad for. But how can we feel bad, when the Creator of the universe is her best friend?
There is something to be said of simplicity of mind and spirit.
My thoughts turned to Anessa, and the prison she is confined to in this life. But for a moment, what i saw in that girl, i could see in Anessa. She may not be able to talk to us, but i believe she sees and knows more than can.
And someday, she's going to be released from that prison.
I cried tears of joy, and praised God for the day that she would stand among to multitudes and sing to the Lover of her soul. Praise the Lord, in His Kingdom she will be made whole again, the way she was always meant to be.
God is going to take back all the years the enemy has stolen from her.
In Christ, we have a hope for the future.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Moved at the sound of your voice
"Your attitude is like the aroma of your heart, if your attitude stinks, your heart probably does too." -Facing the Giants
Sometimes, it's hard to stay engaged down here. There are a lot of distractions all around, and especially while sitting at the Awakening services, it can be hard to stay tuned in when they start ministry times and stuff. But last night, during an intense time of prayer for the FMA students, i stood before God, and told Him that i would wait for Him, no matter if the music moved me or other around me were sitting, standing or kneeling. I felt Him re-reminding me that i wasn't there for others, and that while worshiping i stand before His throne, no one else matters in that place.
As i sat tonight, and felt my mind straying from what was going on i decided that i would stay true to my word, and that i would wait on Him. So i sat, closed my eyes, opened my hands, and let my heart encounter the One who is always waiting for me.
I can't say anything astounding happened. But waiting for Him is always worth it. Even though i didn't experience any shaking, or get slain in the Spirit, just waiting on Him is enough for me.
I know that He will meet me there. That no matter how i've failed, He'll still meet me. He doesn't see my imperfections. It's so refreshing to know that He accepts me just the way i am.
The more i wait, the softer i feel my heart becomes before Him.
This summer, about once a week, i would feel the whispering in my Spirit, the start of a song or chorus. In just these past two days alone, i have heard the whispers of over ten songs, and there is a rumbling in my Spirit, a beat to the new song of His heart that has yet to be released.
There is excitement building in my Spirit to see what He has in store for my life!
Last night, during the same time of ministry that i talked about earlier. They prayed and prophesied over us. And one woman specifically spoke that over my life, that i would hear the whisper of His voice, the songs that are on His heart. And also that His new song would come forth.
Standing in the midst of hundreds of other people, God revealed something to my heart; I am a minister before His throne. When i sing, i stand before the King of Kings, and i have the power to move Him with my song.
It thrilled my small heart to hear the what the Lord of the heavens thinks of me.
As i stood in the midst of hundreds of other people, i knew He could see me. He knows me. And He can always hear my voice.
I raised my hands and sang my heart out to my King. Asking Him to come and meet with me.
A picture flashed on the insides of my eyelids, of Jesus, pushing through the crowd to get to me.
I felt Him reaching for me, as i reached for Him.
The sweetness of waiting on God.
Sometimes, it's hard to stay engaged down here. There are a lot of distractions all around, and especially while sitting at the Awakening services, it can be hard to stay tuned in when they start ministry times and stuff. But last night, during an intense time of prayer for the FMA students, i stood before God, and told Him that i would wait for Him, no matter if the music moved me or other around me were sitting, standing or kneeling. I felt Him re-reminding me that i wasn't there for others, and that while worshiping i stand before His throne, no one else matters in that place.
As i sat tonight, and felt my mind straying from what was going on i decided that i would stay true to my word, and that i would wait on Him. So i sat, closed my eyes, opened my hands, and let my heart encounter the One who is always waiting for me.
I can't say anything astounding happened. But waiting for Him is always worth it. Even though i didn't experience any shaking, or get slain in the Spirit, just waiting on Him is enough for me.
I know that He will meet me there. That no matter how i've failed, He'll still meet me. He doesn't see my imperfections. It's so refreshing to know that He accepts me just the way i am.
The more i wait, the softer i feel my heart becomes before Him.
This summer, about once a week, i would feel the whispering in my Spirit, the start of a song or chorus. In just these past two days alone, i have heard the whispers of over ten songs, and there is a rumbling in my Spirit, a beat to the new song of His heart that has yet to be released.
There is excitement building in my Spirit to see what He has in store for my life!
Last night, during the same time of ministry that i talked about earlier. They prayed and prophesied over us. And one woman specifically spoke that over my life, that i would hear the whisper of His voice, the songs that are on His heart. And also that His new song would come forth.
Standing in the midst of hundreds of other people, God revealed something to my heart; I am a minister before His throne. When i sing, i stand before the King of Kings, and i have the power to move Him with my song.
It thrilled my small heart to hear the what the Lord of the heavens thinks of me.
As i stood in the midst of hundreds of other people, i knew He could see me. He knows me. And He can always hear my voice.
I raised my hands and sang my heart out to my King. Asking Him to come and meet with me.
A picture flashed on the insides of my eyelids, of Jesus, pushing through the crowd to get to me.
I felt Him reaching for me, as i reached for Him.
The sweetness of waiting on God.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
He's calling me, drawing me away...
So, second day of class. I was going to write yesterday, but shoo! We were busy! Okay so to sum it all up in one word-Stellar. Yeah that would just about do it.
Today we had our first chapel, and Corey Russell spoke, but, before he delivered his message, he gave us a few pointers on prayer room etiquette, cause at 6:00 am, it can sometimes get tough to stay awake and stay connected! Here are his four tips;
1) ROCKING! No, Lou Engle didn't invent it-you can do it too! Get your rock on!
2) Pacing. But you should know, as he so kindly pointed out, pacing has it's own set or rules. First please -PLEASE- don't get in anyone else's "highway". And secondly there is a 10-15 minute time limit on pacing-you can't pace for an hour and a half cause then the next poor sleepy person doesn't get a chance!
3) Repeat the phrases. Open your mouth, speak the words, power is released when you speak it.
4) Create a prayer list.
So for those of you who have been in the prayer room, you know why number one and two are practical, yet kind of funny. Corey had us all rolling about prayer room etiquette! And for those of you who have never been in the prayer room, you are SO missing out! So hurry down (or up, or over, what ever it takes)
One of the things Corey talked about was being called into the wilderness. A reality i feel i have been facing this summer.
Hosea chapter 2 is a story, of being drawn into the wilderness. How the Lord calls us out of this world into the wilderness so that we can find Him, and know Him. So He can take full possession of our hearts.
"I will betroth you to me forever; i will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." Hosea 2: 19+20
Starting about mid March, i have felt attacked in every possible area of my life. Literally from friends, to my job, to my marriage, even my faith, i have had one struggle and then the next. Leading to feeling totally abandoned and dejected this summer (which i wrote about in earlier posts)
I fell into a depression and felt like the whole world was against me, while still trying to cling to some small hope.
My hope was God's restoration in my life. His promise.
See, when everything started happening, and everything in my life that could be shaken was, i felt God whisper to me. Saying that He was allowing me to be torn down from the lofty place i'd built for myself; From thinking that i was somehow better than others. From thinking i was always right, that i knew the best way. From thinking that my outward beauty was what attracted others to me. From thinking that i was meant to be someone great.
God allowed me to be torn down...So that He could build me back up.
So that He could restore me.
God takes us out of the world to be with Him, but what good does it do if the world is still in us?
Just like how when He took the Israelites out of Egypt they got out in the wilderness and found they were still carrying Egypt with them! An 11 day journey, turned it a 40 year stay in the desert. He took them out of Egypt, but then He had to leave them in the wilderness so He could take Egypt out of their hearts. (Deuteronomy 8)
The sad truth is, we would rather be slaves in Egypt, then free men in the wilderness.
But why does He call us out into the wilderness? Why does He allow everything we know to turn to dust around us? Because it is there, He prepares us for the plan that He has for us. It is in the wilderness that He meets with us.
God says "Great! You've found your calling! Now i'm going to bring you out into the wilderness to prepare you for it!" (Corey Russell)
More important than what you do, is who you are.
Who are you to God? Who are you in the secret place?
He strips away the world, leaving us naked before Him, so that He can take what remains of our hearts and mold it into who He wants us to be.
I have been broken. Rejected. Hurt. Betrayed. And brought lower than i've ever been before.
Now i'm waiting on God to lead me into the wilderness and restore me to the one He's called me to be.
The one since the dawn of time that He has been dwelling on.
The one He created me to be.
Here we go.
The wilderness is calling.
Today we had our first chapel, and Corey Russell spoke, but, before he delivered his message, he gave us a few pointers on prayer room etiquette, cause at 6:00 am, it can sometimes get tough to stay awake and stay connected! Here are his four tips;
1) ROCKING! No, Lou Engle didn't invent it-you can do it too! Get your rock on!
2) Pacing. But you should know, as he so kindly pointed out, pacing has it's own set or rules. First please -PLEASE- don't get in anyone else's "highway". And secondly there is a 10-15 minute time limit on pacing-you can't pace for an hour and a half cause then the next poor sleepy person doesn't get a chance!
3) Repeat the phrases. Open your mouth, speak the words, power is released when you speak it.
4) Create a prayer list.
So for those of you who have been in the prayer room, you know why number one and two are practical, yet kind of funny. Corey had us all rolling about prayer room etiquette! And for those of you who have never been in the prayer room, you are SO missing out! So hurry down (or up, or over, what ever it takes)
One of the things Corey talked about was being called into the wilderness. A reality i feel i have been facing this summer.
Hosea chapter 2 is a story, of being drawn into the wilderness. How the Lord calls us out of this world into the wilderness so that we can find Him, and know Him. So He can take full possession of our hearts.
"I will betroth you to me forever; i will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." Hosea 2: 19+20
Starting about mid March, i have felt attacked in every possible area of my life. Literally from friends, to my job, to my marriage, even my faith, i have had one struggle and then the next. Leading to feeling totally abandoned and dejected this summer (which i wrote about in earlier posts)
I fell into a depression and felt like the whole world was against me, while still trying to cling to some small hope.
My hope was God's restoration in my life. His promise.
See, when everything started happening, and everything in my life that could be shaken was, i felt God whisper to me. Saying that He was allowing me to be torn down from the lofty place i'd built for myself; From thinking that i was somehow better than others. From thinking i was always right, that i knew the best way. From thinking that my outward beauty was what attracted others to me. From thinking that i was meant to be someone great.
God allowed me to be torn down...So that He could build me back up.
So that He could restore me.
God takes us out of the world to be with Him, but what good does it do if the world is still in us?
Just like how when He took the Israelites out of Egypt they got out in the wilderness and found they were still carrying Egypt with them! An 11 day journey, turned it a 40 year stay in the desert. He took them out of Egypt, but then He had to leave them in the wilderness so He could take Egypt out of their hearts. (Deuteronomy 8)
The sad truth is, we would rather be slaves in Egypt, then free men in the wilderness.
But why does He call us out into the wilderness? Why does He allow everything we know to turn to dust around us? Because it is there, He prepares us for the plan that He has for us. It is in the wilderness that He meets with us.
God says "Great! You've found your calling! Now i'm going to bring you out into the wilderness to prepare you for it!" (Corey Russell)
More important than what you do, is who you are.
Who are you to God? Who are you in the secret place?
He strips away the world, leaving us naked before Him, so that He can take what remains of our hearts and mold it into who He wants us to be.
I have been broken. Rejected. Hurt. Betrayed. And brought lower than i've ever been before.
Now i'm waiting on God to lead me into the wilderness and restore me to the one He's called me to be.
The one since the dawn of time that He has been dwelling on.
The one He created me to be.
Here we go.
The wilderness is calling.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Waiting...
I know i've posted a lot in these past couple of days, but there is so much happening that i want to keep track of!
My hearts cry since i've gotten here, has been to feel a manifestation of God. I desperately want to feel Him. All my life i have watched people come under the power of the Holy Spirit. Laughing with the joy of the Lord, shaking under His awesome power...And i have never felt any of that.
Ever since i got here, i've set my heart before Him and asked Him to touch me in some way. I have felt nothing.
Two nights ago, on the 11th, we had a time of prayer and prophecy over all the new students. And as i sat there waiting for a word, i decided to write in my journal, to express to God in writing the longings of my heart.
"God here i am waiting, but i don't know what i'm waiting for. I want to feel Your touch, but i'm met with absence, I want to hear Your voice, but i'm met with silence."
Before i had even finished writing, a woman came up to me and started talking to me. She told me the Lord had given her a word for me. She said that i was "searching, on a journey for more treasures in Him", she said that "He brought me here to find what i am looking for", and that "He'll meet me here, and it's going to be good".
Isn't it funny how God always knows exactly what you need to hear?
So i continued waiting.
The next night, they called all the new students to the front of the Awakening service and asked everyone to prayer over us. And again i stood there with my hands raised waiting. Just waiting. And asking Him to come and touch me.
Person after person prayed for me, and still i felt nothing.
I cried in my desperation, my burning desire to feel Him. To know that He was there.
The tears were hot, and i just couldn't stop crying.
I was embarrassed of myself and kept trying to wipe them away but they kept coming.
"Why can't i feel You? Why won't you touch me?"
They just kept coming, they wouldn't stop, and then as everyone else was laughing around me, i felt a heaviness come over me, and He asked me a question;
"Even if I never touch you, will you still seek Me?"
I couldn't help crying then, and i hurt. Inside and out. Just the pain of knowing that yes, even if He never came in the way i so wanted Him to, i would seek Him.
"Yes Lord." I whispered. "Even if you never touch me, i'll never stop seeking You, i'll never stop waiting for Your to come."
And then He chuckled over me. Softly. Like it was so sweet of me to say so, but He already knew.
Then He let me see myself as He saw me. It was like in those movies where the picture starts slowly zooming out from the people, to the city, to the state, to the world and then on to the solar system. I felt myself zooming farther and farther out, but the whole time, i could clearly see myself. Even when the world was just a little dot and i was staring through the clouds i could see myself with my hands raised, tears rolling down my cheeks, inviting Him to come.
It was an amazing view!
And then He revealed to me, that this whole time i was longing for Him to touch me, He was touching me. It wasn't the way i wanted, so i couldn't see it. I always wished for the laughter, or the shaking, or to be slain in the spirit. But He touches me with His mercy, softening my heart with tears of love. It was an awesome thing to realize after all this time!
For so long i've believe that i've never felt His touch, i was just so caught up in how He was touching others, that i wasn't paying attention how He was touching me.
It got even better.
Then He showed me how He speaks to me. I always knew it, i just had a hard time really believing He was speaking and it wasn't just coming from my own heart. The Lord speaks to me in song. He's been giving me songs all summer, i've just let myself loose sight of what's He revealed to my heart. I let myself be jealous of others and they way they heard and felt God.
How silly of me :)
I have many songs that i am going to work to put to songs, now that i really know that they are the whispers of God.
He spoke one last thing, that just might become a tag line to a song someday;
It's not me who is waiting on You...It's You who has always been waiting for me.
My hearts cry since i've gotten here, has been to feel a manifestation of God. I desperately want to feel Him. All my life i have watched people come under the power of the Holy Spirit. Laughing with the joy of the Lord, shaking under His awesome power...And i have never felt any of that.
Ever since i got here, i've set my heart before Him and asked Him to touch me in some way. I have felt nothing.
Two nights ago, on the 11th, we had a time of prayer and prophecy over all the new students. And as i sat there waiting for a word, i decided to write in my journal, to express to God in writing the longings of my heart.
"God here i am waiting, but i don't know what i'm waiting for. I want to feel Your touch, but i'm met with absence, I want to hear Your voice, but i'm met with silence."
Before i had even finished writing, a woman came up to me and started talking to me. She told me the Lord had given her a word for me. She said that i was "searching, on a journey for more treasures in Him", she said that "He brought me here to find what i am looking for", and that "He'll meet me here, and it's going to be good".
Isn't it funny how God always knows exactly what you need to hear?
So i continued waiting.
The next night, they called all the new students to the front of the Awakening service and asked everyone to prayer over us. And again i stood there with my hands raised waiting. Just waiting. And asking Him to come and touch me.
Person after person prayed for me, and still i felt nothing.
I cried in my desperation, my burning desire to feel Him. To know that He was there.
The tears were hot, and i just couldn't stop crying.
I was embarrassed of myself and kept trying to wipe them away but they kept coming.
"Why can't i feel You? Why won't you touch me?"
They just kept coming, they wouldn't stop, and then as everyone else was laughing around me, i felt a heaviness come over me, and He asked me a question;
"Even if I never touch you, will you still seek Me?"
I couldn't help crying then, and i hurt. Inside and out. Just the pain of knowing that yes, even if He never came in the way i so wanted Him to, i would seek Him.
"Yes Lord." I whispered. "Even if you never touch me, i'll never stop seeking You, i'll never stop waiting for Your to come."
And then He chuckled over me. Softly. Like it was so sweet of me to say so, but He already knew.
Then He let me see myself as He saw me. It was like in those movies where the picture starts slowly zooming out from the people, to the city, to the state, to the world and then on to the solar system. I felt myself zooming farther and farther out, but the whole time, i could clearly see myself. Even when the world was just a little dot and i was staring through the clouds i could see myself with my hands raised, tears rolling down my cheeks, inviting Him to come.
It was an amazing view!
And then He revealed to me, that this whole time i was longing for Him to touch me, He was touching me. It wasn't the way i wanted, so i couldn't see it. I always wished for the laughter, or the shaking, or to be slain in the spirit. But He touches me with His mercy, softening my heart with tears of love. It was an awesome thing to realize after all this time!
For so long i've believe that i've never felt His touch, i was just so caught up in how He was touching others, that i wasn't paying attention how He was touching me.
It got even better.
Then He showed me how He speaks to me. I always knew it, i just had a hard time really believing He was speaking and it wasn't just coming from my own heart. The Lord speaks to me in song. He's been giving me songs all summer, i've just let myself loose sight of what's He revealed to my heart. I let myself be jealous of others and they way they heard and felt God.
How silly of me :)
I have many songs that i am going to work to put to songs, now that i really know that they are the whispers of God.
He spoke one last thing, that just might become a tag line to a song someday;
It's not me who is waiting on You...It's You who has always been waiting for me.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Clouded Minds
Wow! So much is happening! So much break through is going on! We're three days in now...And we haven't even started school yet!
Sitting in the prayer room today, consecrating myself to what God has for me in these next few years, i felt Him lift the veil from my eyes and help me to see the war over my spirit that has been going on. Off and on my whole life i've gone in and out of the place of being totally confused with who i am, where i belong and how He feels about me. The devil is in a nasty battle with Christ for my heart, and this summer, he was winning.
I'm sad to say that i let myself believe the lies that the world was telling me. I fought for awhile with Christ's strength against to onslaught of the devil, but there came to a point that i was so overwhelmed by four different situations in my life, that all came at me at the same time, that i switched from God's strength to my own. And that was when my mind started to fall into confusion, and i started to believe the whispers of the evil one.
These past few months i feel that i have been beat on, in just about every way you can imagine. My hurt ran so deep that I literally pushed everyone away from me in order to keep myself from being hurt more. And the saddest part is, i wasn't relying on God to be my strength. I wasn't going to Him with my hurt, and i wasn't listening to what He had to say about me or what was going on in my life. I was so bogged down with believing the lies that Satan was telling me, that i fell back into my old self. I lost sight of who i am, i missed a whole summer of opportunities to be me, and that deeply grieves my heart.
As i sat in the GPR (global prayer room), i felt God speaking softly to me, breaking the lies that i had bought into. And as i started to rebuke the confusion of my mind, Misty Edwards (who was leading the set) started singing this song;
"The devil is a liar and i won't buy it! Cause i'm in Love with God and God's in Love with me, this is who i am and this is who i'll be and that settle's it. Completely."
I sang along and began rebuking the devil's hold on my mind and the confusion started to lift. Suddenly i felt like God had thrown me a life line! Thank you Lord for saving me! Believing in me! And never giving up on me!
It's so easy to buy into the lies that Satan speaks over our lives. Especially when everything the world says is so contrary to what God says about you. We truly live in a time when it is so hard to hear the voice of God because our minds are so clouded with what we hear and see in the world around us. But who wants to be like the world? Who wanted to live an empty life full of sin, just so we can enjoy the pleasures of the world around us?
Not me. Not anymore.
If my name means nothing to the world, all the better because i am everything to Him.
I only have room to please one; What will it be? God, or the world?
I choose God.
Sitting in the prayer room today, consecrating myself to what God has for me in these next few years, i felt Him lift the veil from my eyes and help me to see the war over my spirit that has been going on. Off and on my whole life i've gone in and out of the place of being totally confused with who i am, where i belong and how He feels about me. The devil is in a nasty battle with Christ for my heart, and this summer, he was winning.
I'm sad to say that i let myself believe the lies that the world was telling me. I fought for awhile with Christ's strength against to onslaught of the devil, but there came to a point that i was so overwhelmed by four different situations in my life, that all came at me at the same time, that i switched from God's strength to my own. And that was when my mind started to fall into confusion, and i started to believe the whispers of the evil one.
These past few months i feel that i have been beat on, in just about every way you can imagine. My hurt ran so deep that I literally pushed everyone away from me in order to keep myself from being hurt more. And the saddest part is, i wasn't relying on God to be my strength. I wasn't going to Him with my hurt, and i wasn't listening to what He had to say about me or what was going on in my life. I was so bogged down with believing the lies that Satan was telling me, that i fell back into my old self. I lost sight of who i am, i missed a whole summer of opportunities to be me, and that deeply grieves my heart.
As i sat in the GPR (global prayer room), i felt God speaking softly to me, breaking the lies that i had bought into. And as i started to rebuke the confusion of my mind, Misty Edwards (who was leading the set) started singing this song;
"The devil is a liar and i won't buy it! Cause i'm in Love with God and God's in Love with me, this is who i am and this is who i'll be and that settle's it. Completely."
I sang along and began rebuking the devil's hold on my mind and the confusion started to lift. Suddenly i felt like God had thrown me a life line! Thank you Lord for saving me! Believing in me! And never giving up on me!
It's so easy to buy into the lies that Satan speaks over our lives. Especially when everything the world says is so contrary to what God says about you. We truly live in a time when it is so hard to hear the voice of God because our minds are so clouded with what we hear and see in the world around us. But who wants to be like the world? Who wanted to live an empty life full of sin, just so we can enjoy the pleasures of the world around us?
Not me. Not anymore.
If my name means nothing to the world, all the better because i am everything to Him.
I only have room to please one; What will it be? God, or the world?
I choose God.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A New Song
Today, was the first day of orientation at IHOPU. How do i explain my feelings of dis-orientation while at orientation? I have had a growing sense of urgency, and nervousness the closer we've gotten to the start of school. I couldn't really put a name to why i was nervous, or what was making me so restless, but the feelings just wouldn't go away. And sitting in orientation listening to people talk about what we were about to step into i felt even more nervous. I'm mean seriously, what was i doing there? What were we thinking? We gave up security-a house, two jobs, money, friends-and moved away to go to school, and not even a lofty school that would earn us big degrees and high paying jobs after, but a school that taught exactly the opposite of what the world was teaching. They were asking us to devote our time to worshiping someone we can't see, give up food to fast and pray, spend countless hours pleading for other nations, and for what? Just so i can say that i did it?
Dis-orientated at orientation. Lovely.
And then, Terri Terry from FMA (Forerunner Music Academy) got up and said that God had given her a song for all the FMA students (ps, that's me). They asked us to stand, and this is what was sung over us;
"He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to the Lord. Many will see, many will hear, and put their trust, their trust in the Lord."
They asked us to raise our hands, and to repeat what we were hearing, because it was the song for our class.
And standing there, with my hands raised singing a song i've never heard, i knew; This is why i am here. This is what i was made for.
Nothing else matters. Everything that i gave up was nothing, nothing compared to knowing who i am in His eyes and what He made me for. How could i ever think that the things of this world would be worth more than what He can give me? Anything i have to do without while seeking Him is nothing compared to what i gain for being consecrated unto Him. Nothing is worth more than His Love.
I've always been slightly uncomfortable in my own skin. Not ever feeling like i really fit anywhere. People always told me i was unique, different, just a polite way of saying i was weird. But right then, in that moment, God made it clear to me that this is exactly where i belong. In His presence, with a new song on my lips, a worshiper who will never fit in with the world, but will always have a place in the eye of my Maker.
God led us here to show me who i am, and where i fit in His Kingdom.
I am a worshiper, and no matter what the world says or how they hate me, i know who i am to Him.
Dis-orientated at orientation. Lovely.
And then, Terri Terry from FMA (Forerunner Music Academy) got up and said that God had given her a song for all the FMA students (ps, that's me). They asked us to stand, and this is what was sung over us;
"He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to the Lord. Many will see, many will hear, and put their trust, their trust in the Lord."
They asked us to raise our hands, and to repeat what we were hearing, because it was the song for our class.
And standing there, with my hands raised singing a song i've never heard, i knew; This is why i am here. This is what i was made for.
Nothing else matters. Everything that i gave up was nothing, nothing compared to knowing who i am in His eyes and what He made me for. How could i ever think that the things of this world would be worth more than what He can give me? Anything i have to do without while seeking Him is nothing compared to what i gain for being consecrated unto Him. Nothing is worth more than His Love.
I've always been slightly uncomfortable in my own skin. Not ever feeling like i really fit anywhere. People always told me i was unique, different, just a polite way of saying i was weird. But right then, in that moment, God made it clear to me that this is exactly where i belong. In His presence, with a new song on my lips, a worshiper who will never fit in with the world, but will always have a place in the eye of my Maker.
God led us here to show me who i am, and where i fit in His Kingdom.
I am a worshiper, and no matter what the world says or how they hate me, i know who i am to Him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)