Recently, God has given me the grace, to do some intense studying of the Old Testament (OT). I am just fascinated with all that I am learning and all that God is revealing to me! And to whoever thinks that the OT is boring and irrelevant, you need to go back, and start looking at all those stories that you think you know-look again! There is so much to learn!
The more I read in the OT, the more I understand the New Testament (NT). You really can’t even begin to comprehend all that goes on in the NT until you’ve got a grip on the OT, there’s so much there! God revealed Himself in so many ways and did such awesome miracles, sign and wonders!
Did you know that God sustained people for 40 days and nights without eating or drinking anything!? (Exodus 34:28, 1 Kings 19:8) That a man called down fire from heaven to kill 100 men? (2 Kings 1:9-12) That a war was loosed in the second heaven to keep an angel from responding to a man’s prayer? (Daniel 10:12-14)
I have barely scratched the surface of the OT, and every day I am astounded by new truths about God, new stories about His provision and power. If you want to be stirred up and have your faith increased, start reading about all the miracles God did for Moses!
I have been just wrecked by one passage in particular Exodus 33:12-23, just one of Moses’ many encounters with the Lord. My heart aches over Moses words, and the cry of his heart; to know God!
“If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so that I may know you and continue to find favor with you.” (Exodus 33:13)
I am so struck by this specific encounter that he had with the Lord, so in awe of God, and jealous of Moses’ time with God. My heart aches to learn about God, to know His personality and His ways, because I want to find favor in His sight!
“The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend.” (Exodus 33:11)
I want to be a friend of God! That He would speak to me face to face!
I have been praying this passage back to God and seeking His face for encounters like Moses had. Even if Moses got it wrong sometimes, he really got it right here.
“The Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”” (Exodus 33:15+16)
Wow! I want this to be my hearts cry too!
‘God! Don’t send me out, unless Your Presence goes with me! I want Your Presence to be what distinguishes me from everyone else!’
Moses had the right heart here. Just like Solomon, he wanted to know God above all else. But not only did he want to know God, he just wanted to be with God.
I can see his anguish as he thinks about having to leave God’s presence, his closest friend. His heart cries out “If you really like me, then stay with me! Don’t leave me alone!”
I can imagine the please smile of the Father who has worked so hard to get to this point. Not just that Moses would rely on Him for miracles, food and leadership, but that they would be friends. That Moses would truly lean on Him from the very depth of his heart, and long for His presence more than anything else.
If there’s one thing I’ve found since being down here, it’s that God’s presence is addicting! I can’t even imagine what it was like for Moses who literally saw and spoke to God face to face as a friend!
“And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”” (Exodus 33:17)
Wow. My heart turns over in my chest every time I read this. How would you like the God of heaven and earth to speak this over you? To say that He knows you by name, that He is pleased with you?
Well, He does, every day. Every time you glance His way, His heart is stirred by you.
It’s a wonderful thought!
I am grabbing hold of this reality and running with it! God knows me, He cares for me, He wants to be my closest friend and desires to be with me!
And best of all;
He knows me by name.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
God incomprehensable, made known....
Somewhere, hidden in the dark recesses of every human being, there is the knowledge that somewhere out there, there is someone who is bigger than them. A higher being.
We try to cover it up with denial, with our theories, with rationalization-but the truth is at the core of every human being, they know there is someone out there who is beyond comprehension. And that fact alone scares us. No one wants to believe that compared to this being, they are completely powerless, that there is someone out there that no amount of studying can ever help us to even begin to understand.
We don’t want to be powerless.
Deep within us is the knowledge that there is someone out there that is worthy of our love, worship and obedience, and that has absolute power over our lives whether we like it or not.
The sad truth is, people would rather believe in Satan, than believe in God.
Why anyone would rather choose to believe that there is an evil lord out there whose only thought is to hurt me rather than an all loving God is beyond me.
No wait, it’s not.
Satan is simple, he can be defined by our natural minds. He is not all powerful, nor omnipresent or omnipotent. Thus, he is easier to understand, and because we can put limits on him and understand him to an extent, we are more comfortable accepting him.
People don’t want to believe in God, because they have wrong paradigms about Him. We don’t understand Him, and thus we are intimidated by Him.
But our poor little minds, cannot even begin to comprehend a God, who is all powerful, created the heavens and the earth, has absolute power and has no beginning. Just consider with me for a second, Genesis 1:1;
“In the beginning God…”
Now I’m going to stop you right there, yes I know that it continues “created the heavens and the earth”, but how often do you stop to just consider those four words.
In the beginning…..GOD.
“But wait!” We say, “who created God!? Where did He come from?”
Our problem with God is that we can’t define Him. Our theories and ideas cannot confine Him. He cannot be measured; He is without beginning and without an end.
Friends, it’s because we are created beings.
We were not meant to comprehend His majesty, it’s part of His mystery.
He puts questions in our hearts that we would draw closer to Him in search of those questions.
His servant Job said this; “He spreads the northern skies over empty space; he suspends the earth over nothing. He wraps up the waters in his clouds, yet the clouds do not burst under the weight. He covers the face of the full moon, spreading his clouds over it. He marks out the horizon on the face of the waters, for a boundary between light and darkness. And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him! We then can understand the thunder of his power?” (Job 26:7-10,14)
His majesty, and awesome splendor is beyond anything we can understand, but because we know we can’t fully comprehend Him, we’d rather dismiss Him all together than grapple with the deep things of God.
The worst part is, because we’re scared to get lost in the depths of God, we’ve robbed ourselves of the joy of trembling before Him.
We’d rather keep our views that He is a lofty far away being who only shows up to force us into submission with His will, than consider someone our minds cannot comprehend.
But I’m here to tell you, He will reveal Himself to you! He already has!
Through Christ Jesus, His son, He revealed Himself to us. He revealed His heart of love to us, that He would go as far, as to sacrifice the one He loved the most, just so we, could be with Him for eternity.
God longs for you to know Him, to truly know Him, His personality and how He longs for you.
If we really begin to take into consideration someone, who holds all power, but who willingly allows us to choose Him or not, it begins to unnerve us. No one is used to that kind of love. And then we take it a step further, not only does He lovingly allow us our own rights to choose Him or not, He sent His son to die on the cross. Jesus died for us, for all our sins, yet He Himself was sinless. Our minds know the injustice of the sacrifice that was made on our behalf, and yet we choose to scorn Him.
This sacrifice, because we do not understand the weightiness of it, does nothing to move our hearts and help us understand His love for us.
But this is not a story! This was a real man, with real emotions and feelings! He had a body, and suffered beyond description just so that we could know and love the Father the way He does.
Beloved, I think that is what unnerves us truly the most.
Why would a God so incomprehensible humble Himself to the point of dying for His very creation?
Because, He loves you.
Desperately.
Beyond anything you can understand.
Our weak views of love, are nothing compared to the way He feels for us.
And yet we’re so scared of that love. Love that transcends all boundaries. Love that’s so complete it shakes you to your very core.
Do you know that God?
Do you know that God who is so awesome in power that He spoke the world into being? But who is so humble in love He died for the very ones He created?
First, we need to study His majesty. And embrace a real perspective of a incompressible God.
And then study His love in light of His majesty so our hearts are blown away by His sacrifice.
And then it’s a simple choice.
Who wouldn’t love someone who loved them to the point of death?
Because He loved me first…
I love him.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Things that confound the Wise
Oh the great mysteries of God!
Everyday i am shocked by a new facet of His beauty!
Truly ladies and gentlemen, if you are bored with God-you need revival! You need to Holy Spirit to break in a liven things up, because there is never a dull moment with God! And if you think you have God all figured out, you had better head back to Genesis, for who can know the Eternal One?
Recently i have been stuck in 1 Corinthians 2. I never realized how much i was missing by neglecting the Holy Spirit in me! He is our power cord to God! Our direct link.
Truly, we cannot even begin to understand God with out the help of the Holy Spirit inside of us. The "wisdom" of man never can and never will comprehend God eternal, the one who was there before time, who has no beginning and no end.
My poor little brain can hardly even handle thinking about someone that big!
But God will reveal His great mysteries to us by His Spirit (1 Cor 2:10) if we only ask Him (James 1:5)
The problem is, that we come at God with our limited understanding, and try to apply what we know to Him, thus putting His character in a box that is far too small for Him. We cannot understand by the ways of this world or our human "wisdom".
Let's put aside our humanistic thinking and study the deep things of God!
"We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we declare God's wisdom, a mystery that had been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understand it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory." -1 Corinthians 2:6-8
Are you guys reading what i am!?
Let's put it simply;
All the people of this age, who think they are so smart with their philosophies and sensible words, really are deceived. It doesn't matter how good they sound, or if the think they can rationalize away the reality of God's existence, their wisdom will -and is- coming to nothing.
But all of God's glory, His wisdom, is accessible to us! We who have His Spirit within us have the opportunity to know the deep things of God!
"For who knows a person's thoughts except that person's own spirit within? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not recieved the spirit of the world, but the spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us." -1 Corinthians 2:11+12
Did you catch that? God's Spirit is the only One who knows His thoughts, and He freely gave us His Spirit that we might understand. I don't know about you, but i serve a good God!
It's sad to me, that even many Christians remain in the dark about His character because they don't take the time to learn about His personality and ask the Spirit to reveal the deep things of God to them. The Bible is easy to misunderstand and write off as nonsense if we don't have the Spirit of God within in us to help us to understand the deep things He wants to reveal about Himself.
Even just in these last two months, i can't emphasize enough how huge this had been in my spiritual life. Just simply asking God to reveal Himself to me and communing with the Holy Spirit has helped me to grow by leaps and bounds. The Holy Spirit wants to talk to us, we just have to take the time to listen.
I am beginning to understand more and more why the deep things of God scare and confound even the wisest of men. Those with human knowledge think they understand, but they cannot know God without His help.
No one can know God without His help.
Thank you Lord for sending us the Helper! (John 14:26)
Everyday i am shocked by a new facet of His beauty!
Truly ladies and gentlemen, if you are bored with God-you need revival! You need to Holy Spirit to break in a liven things up, because there is never a dull moment with God! And if you think you have God all figured out, you had better head back to Genesis, for who can know the Eternal One?
Recently i have been stuck in 1 Corinthians 2. I never realized how much i was missing by neglecting the Holy Spirit in me! He is our power cord to God! Our direct link.
Truly, we cannot even begin to understand God with out the help of the Holy Spirit inside of us. The "wisdom" of man never can and never will comprehend God eternal, the one who was there before time, who has no beginning and no end.
My poor little brain can hardly even handle thinking about someone that big!
But God will reveal His great mysteries to us by His Spirit (1 Cor 2:10) if we only ask Him (James 1:5)
The problem is, that we come at God with our limited understanding, and try to apply what we know to Him, thus putting His character in a box that is far too small for Him. We cannot understand by the ways of this world or our human "wisdom".
Let's put aside our humanistic thinking and study the deep things of God!
"We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we declare God's wisdom, a mystery that had been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understand it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory." -1 Corinthians 2:6-8
Are you guys reading what i am!?
Let's put it simply;
All the people of this age, who think they are so smart with their philosophies and sensible words, really are deceived. It doesn't matter how good they sound, or if the think they can rationalize away the reality of God's existence, their wisdom will -and is- coming to nothing.
But all of God's glory, His wisdom, is accessible to us! We who have His Spirit within us have the opportunity to know the deep things of God!
"For who knows a person's thoughts except that person's own spirit within? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not recieved the spirit of the world, but the spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us." -1 Corinthians 2:11+12
Did you catch that? God's Spirit is the only One who knows His thoughts, and He freely gave us His Spirit that we might understand. I don't know about you, but i serve a good God!
It's sad to me, that even many Christians remain in the dark about His character because they don't take the time to learn about His personality and ask the Spirit to reveal the deep things of God to them. The Bible is easy to misunderstand and write off as nonsense if we don't have the Spirit of God within in us to help us to understand the deep things He wants to reveal about Himself.
Even just in these last two months, i can't emphasize enough how huge this had been in my spiritual life. Just simply asking God to reveal Himself to me and communing with the Holy Spirit has helped me to grow by leaps and bounds. The Holy Spirit wants to talk to us, we just have to take the time to listen.
I am beginning to understand more and more why the deep things of God scare and confound even the wisest of men. Those with human knowledge think they understand, but they cannot know God without His help.
No one can know God without His help.
Thank you Lord for sending us the Helper! (John 14:26)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
My Daddy, He's not angry...
God, in all His infinite wisdom, often chooses to represent Himself as the Father. But we in our human minds, take that and impose upon Him the picture of our own earthly father, or authority figures in our lives. We see their short comings, their failures and weaknesses and without really realizing it, assume that God has those same problems.
God does not get into moods.
God does not have our same emotions, He does not struggle with holding a grudge. He does not see you for your sin and your down falls. He does not get angry.
Because God is Love. He is the fulfillment of all things good. He is Righteousness, Justice, Peace...
We do wrong, and think that God is disappointed with us, that He's angry, and that some how we have to work to get back into His good graces.
But we do not understand God.
Do you know that He loves us with unconditional love? That He will never stop loving us? Do you walk into His presence with confidence? Knowing that you are the apple of His eye? That you were created especially to fill a place in His heart?
Luke 15, the story of the 'Prodigal Son', is not a story about the son. It is a story about the extravagant love of the Father, who meets us in our sin. (Luke 15:11-32)
"But while he was still a long way off..." (vs.20)
Our Father accepts us. Even in our sin.
God is telling us that we don't have to be perfect that He loves us where we are, even in our ugliness.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." (vs.20)
All the son had to do, was turn, repent and set out towards his Father. But what verse 20 is telling us, is that although it was the sons choice to head back, the Father was looking for him! How else would He have seen the son while he was still a long ways off!?
God does not turn away, He doesn't give up on us in our sin-He's always looking for us! And the moment we choose to return, He RUNS to us! He is gracious and quick to forgive!
"The son said to the him, 'Father, i have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'" (vs.21)
The son was still stuck in his sin, believing he wasn't worthy of his Father's love. Still too stuck on looking at himself instead of searching the Father. We need to see ourselves the way our heavenly Father sees us.
"But the Father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate." (vs.22-24)
First, the Father is looking, second, He runs to meet his son, third he embraces him, kisses him, clothes him, feeds him and rejoices over him-all while he was still a 'long way off'! While he was still in his sin. Not after he'd gotten his life in order and presented himself as a clean package before his Father, but while he was tattered and dressed in rags. Covered in dirt and full of guilt and shame.
Not only does the Father instantly accept him back and forgive him, but He rejoices like his son was dead and restored to life again! What an amazing description of the extravagant love of our Father!
God will never give up on you. He loves you more deeply than any of us can comprehend. Even when we mess up, which we are prone to do, He is quick to cover over all wrongs with love.
All it takes from us is one glance, one conscious step towards Him and He will run to us!
Beloved, we are not sinners who are trying to love God...We are Lovers who struggle with sin!
Don't forget that God created us, thus He knows the weak tendencies of man. He knows us intimately. He knows that we fail, and are prone to run from Him, especially when we are in sin, but He wants us to turn and run to us even in our sin! He is moody and does not hold a grudge.
Our Father, is not a moody Father.
His love and compassion will never change.
He loves you, even in your ugliness.
God does not get into moods.
God does not have our same emotions, He does not struggle with holding a grudge. He does not see you for your sin and your down falls. He does not get angry.
Because God is Love. He is the fulfillment of all things good. He is Righteousness, Justice, Peace...
We do wrong, and think that God is disappointed with us, that He's angry, and that some how we have to work to get back into His good graces.
But we do not understand God.
Do you know that He loves us with unconditional love? That He will never stop loving us? Do you walk into His presence with confidence? Knowing that you are the apple of His eye? That you were created especially to fill a place in His heart?
Luke 15, the story of the 'Prodigal Son', is not a story about the son. It is a story about the extravagant love of the Father, who meets us in our sin. (Luke 15:11-32)
"But while he was still a long way off..." (vs.20)
Our Father accepts us. Even in our sin.
God is telling us that we don't have to be perfect that He loves us where we are, even in our ugliness.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." (vs.20)
All the son had to do, was turn, repent and set out towards his Father. But what verse 20 is telling us, is that although it was the sons choice to head back, the Father was looking for him! How else would He have seen the son while he was still a long ways off!?
God does not turn away, He doesn't give up on us in our sin-He's always looking for us! And the moment we choose to return, He RUNS to us! He is gracious and quick to forgive!
"The son said to the him, 'Father, i have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'" (vs.21)
The son was still stuck in his sin, believing he wasn't worthy of his Father's love. Still too stuck on looking at himself instead of searching the Father. We need to see ourselves the way our heavenly Father sees us.
"But the Father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate." (vs.22-24)
First, the Father is looking, second, He runs to meet his son, third he embraces him, kisses him, clothes him, feeds him and rejoices over him-all while he was still a 'long way off'! While he was still in his sin. Not after he'd gotten his life in order and presented himself as a clean package before his Father, but while he was tattered and dressed in rags. Covered in dirt and full of guilt and shame.
Not only does the Father instantly accept him back and forgive him, but He rejoices like his son was dead and restored to life again! What an amazing description of the extravagant love of our Father!
God will never give up on you. He loves you more deeply than any of us can comprehend. Even when we mess up, which we are prone to do, He is quick to cover over all wrongs with love.
All it takes from us is one glance, one conscious step towards Him and He will run to us!
Beloved, we are not sinners who are trying to love God...We are Lovers who struggle with sin!
Don't forget that God created us, thus He knows the weak tendencies of man. He knows us intimately. He knows that we fail, and are prone to run from Him, especially when we are in sin, but He wants us to turn and run to us even in our sin! He is moody and does not hold a grudge.
Our Father, is not a moody Father.
His love and compassion will never change.
He loves you, even in your ugliness.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Why Night and Day?
Today we finished our class with Allen Hood on night and day prayer. My heart was so stirred by the revelation of the necessity of night and day prayer! It's so important, and yet we don't even have a partial understanding of why!
Many of the things i share here are notes i took in class. I have a whole 30 page packet about all the reasons why we need night and day prayer, but i'm trying to condense it to the main one-this is going to be hard! Alright so here we go;
Person: "So Steph...What do you do at IHOPU?"
Steph: "Well, we pray...A LOT."
Person: "Wow, you pay money to sit in a room with music playing and pray? What a waste."
Steph: "Oh if only you knew how important my job is before God!"
Person: "...What?"
I feel like i have a battle going on in my head. The above conversation is not real (unless inside my head counts) but sometimes i feel so burdened by the lack of understanding that surrounds night and day prayer and how important it is. If you've ever felt nagging doubts about why you spend your time praying, you know what i'm talking about. I hope to shed some light on the subject.
Many have asked, "Why night and day prayer?" Even before we got down here, we faced some opposition and questions about why we would give up security and comfort to sit in a room and pray to someone we couldn't see? And, i really didn't have an answer for them. Besides feeling a pull in my heart that there was more to life than the comforts of this world, i really couldn't give a sound reason why we are doing what we're doing.
Now i can.
Why you ask should we be contending before the throne for Christ to come back and establish His millennial kingdom here on earth? Why you ask should we spend countless hours praying about the ending of abortion and human trafficking? Why you ask should we devote our lives to night and day worship and prayer? Why you ask should our very being revolve around offering God praise and humbling ourselves before Him?
Because unceasing worship is the only worthy response to the greatness and majesty of God and the worthiness of Jesus Christ.
It's that simple.
God is worthy of so much more than the 30 minutes of worship we grudgingly give Him on a Sunday morning.
Just by asking that question proves how little we know of the God we serve. How little we understand of His majesty.
Just look at the four living creatures! Do you know that they stand before the throne night and day and worship Him? (Is. 6:1-3, Rev. 4:7-8)
Why?
Because they can see the holiness of God and understand that He alone is worthy to be praised. They are just responding to the glory of God, no one makes them worship. The unfallen creatures of the heavens never stop worshiping Him. Only fallen creatures stop worshiping or would ever dare to ask if night and day prayer is worth it.
If the seraphim can worship Him night and day without ceasing, why don't we-we who are His image bearers, bought with noble blood?
Worship, is ascribing value to an object. And yet we go our whole day without once even thinking about the God who laid the very foundations of the earth! (Job 38:4) If we could only catch a glimpse of God in all His awesome splendor, His robes filling the temple (Is. 6:10), we might cry out like Isaiah did; "Woe to me! I am ruined! For i am a man of unclean lips, and i live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have sen the King, the Lord Almighty." (Is. 6:5) Isaiah wasn't saying he had a cursing problem, he was crying 'Woe!' because we as a people don't know how to speak about God!
The unspeakable horror throughout history is that we do not understand the glory of God and do not worship Him the way He deserves! There is nothing any of us can give Him that is worthy of His glory except our unceasing prayer and worship of His awesome splendor.
We've gotten so side tracked by everything else. Missions, preaching, exhorting, evangelism, etc! We have put everything that is of lesser importance above that which is most important! Just worshiping and communing with Him! Our churches have it backwards in America today. Worship does not exist so we can preach, preaching exists so we can understand Him better and more worship can go forth!
We spend more time talking about or prayer requests than actually praying about them! We save prayer to the end of our meetings and services like it's some routine thing that we should do because we've always done it that way! No! Prayer should be a lifestyle! It should be central in everything we do! Our very lives should be a sacrifice of praise! (Rom. 12:1+2)
Our question of 'is night and day prayer worth it' is a testimony that we do not know Him and have been stuck in religion too long.
God's nature both elicits and demands worship, but not just any worship, wholehearted adoration of His being. A burning passion so that the flame on the altar would never go out! (Rev. 8:3+4)
When Jesus comes back to earth to prepare the way for the coming of the Father, this will be the way He runs His government-through prayer and worship. All other church callings will at some point fade away. There will be no need for missions, evangelism or feeding the hungry in God's kingdom. But worship is an eternal reality. It's coming to earth to stay.
So if you're bored with it now, you'd better get your heart right! Cause you're going to be doing it for all of eternity!
We need fresh revelation of the glory of God! Because it is out of that revelation that the fire in our souls is set ablaze with zeal for the Lord, and it is out of THAT place that we should go forth and teach, preach, serve, evangelize and save in the name of Jesus.
Prayer and worship need to be forefront in our churches and daily lives again!
Oh Lord, that You would reveal Your glory to us and fascinate our hearts!
You alone are worthy to be praised!
Many of the things i share here are notes i took in class. I have a whole 30 page packet about all the reasons why we need night and day prayer, but i'm trying to condense it to the main one-this is going to be hard! Alright so here we go;
Person: "So Steph...What do you do at IHOPU?"
Steph: "Well, we pray...A LOT."
Person: "Wow, you pay money to sit in a room with music playing and pray? What a waste."
Steph: "Oh if only you knew how important my job is before God!"
Person: "...What?"
I feel like i have a battle going on in my head. The above conversation is not real (unless inside my head counts) but sometimes i feel so burdened by the lack of understanding that surrounds night and day prayer and how important it is. If you've ever felt nagging doubts about why you spend your time praying, you know what i'm talking about. I hope to shed some light on the subject.
Many have asked, "Why night and day prayer?" Even before we got down here, we faced some opposition and questions about why we would give up security and comfort to sit in a room and pray to someone we couldn't see? And, i really didn't have an answer for them. Besides feeling a pull in my heart that there was more to life than the comforts of this world, i really couldn't give a sound reason why we are doing what we're doing.
Now i can.
Why you ask should we be contending before the throne for Christ to come back and establish His millennial kingdom here on earth? Why you ask should we spend countless hours praying about the ending of abortion and human trafficking? Why you ask should we devote our lives to night and day worship and prayer? Why you ask should our very being revolve around offering God praise and humbling ourselves before Him?
Because unceasing worship is the only worthy response to the greatness and majesty of God and the worthiness of Jesus Christ.
It's that simple.
God is worthy of so much more than the 30 minutes of worship we grudgingly give Him on a Sunday morning.
Just by asking that question proves how little we know of the God we serve. How little we understand of His majesty.
Just look at the four living creatures! Do you know that they stand before the throne night and day and worship Him? (Is. 6:1-3, Rev. 4:7-8)
Why?
Because they can see the holiness of God and understand that He alone is worthy to be praised. They are just responding to the glory of God, no one makes them worship. The unfallen creatures of the heavens never stop worshiping Him. Only fallen creatures stop worshiping or would ever dare to ask if night and day prayer is worth it.
If the seraphim can worship Him night and day without ceasing, why don't we-we who are His image bearers, bought with noble blood?
Worship, is ascribing value to an object. And yet we go our whole day without once even thinking about the God who laid the very foundations of the earth! (Job 38:4) If we could only catch a glimpse of God in all His awesome splendor, His robes filling the temple (Is. 6:10), we might cry out like Isaiah did; "Woe to me! I am ruined! For i am a man of unclean lips, and i live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have sen the King, the Lord Almighty." (Is. 6:5) Isaiah wasn't saying he had a cursing problem, he was crying 'Woe!' because we as a people don't know how to speak about God!
The unspeakable horror throughout history is that we do not understand the glory of God and do not worship Him the way He deserves! There is nothing any of us can give Him that is worthy of His glory except our unceasing prayer and worship of His awesome splendor.
We've gotten so side tracked by everything else. Missions, preaching, exhorting, evangelism, etc! We have put everything that is of lesser importance above that which is most important! Just worshiping and communing with Him! Our churches have it backwards in America today. Worship does not exist so we can preach, preaching exists so we can understand Him better and more worship can go forth!
We spend more time talking about or prayer requests than actually praying about them! We save prayer to the end of our meetings and services like it's some routine thing that we should do because we've always done it that way! No! Prayer should be a lifestyle! It should be central in everything we do! Our very lives should be a sacrifice of praise! (Rom. 12:1+2)
Our question of 'is night and day prayer worth it' is a testimony that we do not know Him and have been stuck in religion too long.
God's nature both elicits and demands worship, but not just any worship, wholehearted adoration of His being. A burning passion so that the flame on the altar would never go out! (Rev. 8:3+4)
When Jesus comes back to earth to prepare the way for the coming of the Father, this will be the way He runs His government-through prayer and worship. All other church callings will at some point fade away. There will be no need for missions, evangelism or feeding the hungry in God's kingdom. But worship is an eternal reality. It's coming to earth to stay.
So if you're bored with it now, you'd better get your heart right! Cause you're going to be doing it for all of eternity!
We need fresh revelation of the glory of God! Because it is out of that revelation that the fire in our souls is set ablaze with zeal for the Lord, and it is out of THAT place that we should go forth and teach, preach, serve, evangelize and save in the name of Jesus.
Prayer and worship need to be forefront in our churches and daily lives again!
Oh Lord, that You would reveal Your glory to us and fascinate our hearts!
You alone are worthy to be praised!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Testify of His Goodness
I just have to take a moment to testify to the goodness of God in the land of the living, i think many will be blessed!
Our new friends, DeAnn and Christian gave up they're comfortable lives back in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and moved to Kansas city for FMA. After they got here, they realized that they didn't have as much money put away as they thought, and their funds quickly ran out.
We have gotten to know them really well over the past few weeks, and about two weeks ago, they sat with us and told us they literally had no idea where they were going to get the money to pay the rent. So we agreed to pray with them for God's provision.
Well, a few days later, Christian told us that the IHOP kitchens had accepted his application from among 40 others-he got a job! A not only a job, but in an atmosphere where God would be glorified and it would work around our crazy school schedule! They were so thrilled!
So that was break through number one, break through number two came today.
Jeremy was in the prayer room this morning, and felt God pulling him towards Christian, that maybe he needed to talk about something. Christian ended up breaking down, and saying that they needed some serious breakthrough in their finances, though the job was an answer to prayer, he started working on an off week and wouldn't receive a pay check in time to pay his bills. So they went to the back, and Jeremy spoke whatever words God gave him to say over Christian. They prayed, and Christian was set free from relying on himself for money. They both came to the radical realization of how completely God wants control of your life and everything in it.
The main focus this morning in our prayer set, was that 'this is that day for break through, and this is the day for answered prayers'. So with that resonating in our spirits, we headed to our next class.
Not 45 minutes later, we're in our practicum, and Corey Russell is speaking to us just giving us some new announcements, and all of the sudden, he pulls a envelope our of his pocket and asked if Christian would come up front. In total confusion, Christian went forward. Corey told him that someone gave him the envelope, with Christian's name on it, and asked him to pass it along.
I'm not sure how much was in it-but that envelope was THICK!!! Can i just say that God provides for us!?
Even though He lets us be stretched, and waits until the eleventh hour, He will provide.
Just one or many testimonies to come of the goodness of God!
He is so good!
On a personal note, i received a vision today, that i feel is for the church in America.
God put a heavy emphasis in my heart while crying out for California, that 'it's not too late'. If we'd only turn to Him, who knows but that He might not relent and leave a blessing in the place of judgment? (Joel 2:14)
As i was meditating on the word, i saw the U.S. laid out before me. Two hands rose up from either end of the nation, reaching towards heaven. They were covered with blood, with the sins of our nation.
The set continued on, and i cried out for mercy for our nation. And God kept telling me; "it's not too late".
And then i saw as we (the church) raised our hands, repented and turned away from wickedness, God washed ours hands of the sinful blood and covered our clean hands with the blood of the lamb.
There is power in the name of Jesus.
Beloved it's not too late!
Return.
Our new friends, DeAnn and Christian gave up they're comfortable lives back in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and moved to Kansas city for FMA. After they got here, they realized that they didn't have as much money put away as they thought, and their funds quickly ran out.
We have gotten to know them really well over the past few weeks, and about two weeks ago, they sat with us and told us they literally had no idea where they were going to get the money to pay the rent. So we agreed to pray with them for God's provision.
Well, a few days later, Christian told us that the IHOP kitchens had accepted his application from among 40 others-he got a job! A not only a job, but in an atmosphere where God would be glorified and it would work around our crazy school schedule! They were so thrilled!
So that was break through number one, break through number two came today.
Jeremy was in the prayer room this morning, and felt God pulling him towards Christian, that maybe he needed to talk about something. Christian ended up breaking down, and saying that they needed some serious breakthrough in their finances, though the job was an answer to prayer, he started working on an off week and wouldn't receive a pay check in time to pay his bills. So they went to the back, and Jeremy spoke whatever words God gave him to say over Christian. They prayed, and Christian was set free from relying on himself for money. They both came to the radical realization of how completely God wants control of your life and everything in it.
The main focus this morning in our prayer set, was that 'this is that day for break through, and this is the day for answered prayers'. So with that resonating in our spirits, we headed to our next class.
Not 45 minutes later, we're in our practicum, and Corey Russell is speaking to us just giving us some new announcements, and all of the sudden, he pulls a envelope our of his pocket and asked if Christian would come up front. In total confusion, Christian went forward. Corey told him that someone gave him the envelope, with Christian's name on it, and asked him to pass it along.
I'm not sure how much was in it-but that envelope was THICK!!! Can i just say that God provides for us!?
Even though He lets us be stretched, and waits until the eleventh hour, He will provide.
Just one or many testimonies to come of the goodness of God!
He is so good!
On a personal note, i received a vision today, that i feel is for the church in America.
God put a heavy emphasis in my heart while crying out for California, that 'it's not too late'. If we'd only turn to Him, who knows but that He might not relent and leave a blessing in the place of judgment? (Joel 2:14)
As i was meditating on the word, i saw the U.S. laid out before me. Two hands rose up from either end of the nation, reaching towards heaven. They were covered with blood, with the sins of our nation.
The set continued on, and i cried out for mercy for our nation. And God kept telling me; "it's not too late".
And then i saw as we (the church) raised our hands, repented and turned away from wickedness, God washed ours hands of the sinful blood and covered our clean hands with the blood of the lamb.
There is power in the name of Jesus.
Beloved it's not too late!
Return.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Guilty of Complacency
Tonight, in the prayer room, God hit me with some pretty weighty issues. Please note, that i am not claiming this as truth, i am just recounting what God spoke to me tonight. If anything written here offends your spirit, please seek God on the issue and read what His Word says about it.
This is what God spoke to me;
We've heard the stories the stories so many times that we don't stop to consider if they're real or not. Do you believe the Word of God? Do you accept every truth that He speaks in His Word?
Have you stopped to consider that Moses marched a whole nation across dry ground that was once a river? Do you believe that Elijah called fire down out of heaven? Do you believe that Jesus really turned water into wine that party goers actually drank?
And most of all, do you truly believe He died for you?
He suffered physical pain. His hands were nailed to a tree. He literally carried the weight of our sins. He bled, and died, so that you might live.
Here we are, in our comfortable Christianity, annoyed if someone sits in our pew on Sunday. We'd rather go to a movie than church. We pervert our minds watching hours upon hours of T.V. and yet we don't devote a single hour to being with Jesus.
Jesus grieves over us.
Can you feel His pain? Can you hear His anguished cry to the Father?
There is a burning desire in Jesus' heart for intimacy with us. And He will stop at nothing until He posses our complete heart.
Do you know that God's judgment over people and nations is actually an attempt to wake them up to His desire for them, and give them a chance to repent of their sins?
And here we sit, ignoring God's judgments. Rationalizing away or sins, content to live in our complacency.
As i sat before Him, He spoke this to my heart about believers today;
"You're so worried about the 'good' things you're doing...But what about the wickedness of man?
You say God, what about the church? Won't you relent and not bring Your judgments on us because of all the good things we do? Won't You relent because we help the poor and hold prayer meetings in Your name?
But the Day is coming when My Righteousness will be poured out...
And I say to you, what about My children? What about the millions of babies that are aborted in the name of comfort and convenience? Who weeps for them? Who's hands does their blood belong to? Do you hear them crying for justice?
No. But I hear their cries, and I will justify.
What about My children who go through life in chains? Held in bondage in the name of slothfulness and pleasure? Who comforts them in the night? Why are they not set free to live? Who's sin holds them there? Do you hear their cries for justice?
No. But I do, and I will come to make all things right.
Nations will be judged for their sins, because they do not repent, because they have hardened their hearts against Me. Because they live in tolerance of the sin around them.
A day is coming, when heaven will be silent, and the prayers of the oppressed will rise to me. The heart of the Father will be moved with Righteous Anger over the cries of those you have turned your back on.
I will justify them.
Their cries will not go unanswered for much longer. I will come. And I won't relent until all things are made right and the cries of my children are answered and the wickedness of man is atoned for.
Do not forget that I AM the Righteous Judge.
I will come again as the Judge.
I will come and justify."
Do we understand Him as the Judge? Do we understand His Righteousness in judging the nations for their sins?
My world has been rocked by what i have learned about His character, the truth about who He is. Have we taken the time to understand Him?
Do we know why He hates our complacency?
I am moved by the new understandings i am gaining about Him.
And all i have to say is;
'The Spirit and the Bride say come!'
-Revelations 22:17
This is what God spoke to me;
We've heard the stories the stories so many times that we don't stop to consider if they're real or not. Do you believe the Word of God? Do you accept every truth that He speaks in His Word?
Have you stopped to consider that Moses marched a whole nation across dry ground that was once a river? Do you believe that Elijah called fire down out of heaven? Do you believe that Jesus really turned water into wine that party goers actually drank?
And most of all, do you truly believe He died for you?
He suffered physical pain. His hands were nailed to a tree. He literally carried the weight of our sins. He bled, and died, so that you might live.
Here we are, in our comfortable Christianity, annoyed if someone sits in our pew on Sunday. We'd rather go to a movie than church. We pervert our minds watching hours upon hours of T.V. and yet we don't devote a single hour to being with Jesus.
Jesus grieves over us.
Can you feel His pain? Can you hear His anguished cry to the Father?
There is a burning desire in Jesus' heart for intimacy with us. And He will stop at nothing until He posses our complete heart.
Do you know that God's judgment over people and nations is actually an attempt to wake them up to His desire for them, and give them a chance to repent of their sins?
And here we sit, ignoring God's judgments. Rationalizing away or sins, content to live in our complacency.
As i sat before Him, He spoke this to my heart about believers today;
"You're so worried about the 'good' things you're doing...But what about the wickedness of man?
You say God, what about the church? Won't you relent and not bring Your judgments on us because of all the good things we do? Won't You relent because we help the poor and hold prayer meetings in Your name?
But the Day is coming when My Righteousness will be poured out...
And I say to you, what about My children? What about the millions of babies that are aborted in the name of comfort and convenience? Who weeps for them? Who's hands does their blood belong to? Do you hear them crying for justice?
No. But I hear their cries, and I will justify.
What about My children who go through life in chains? Held in bondage in the name of slothfulness and pleasure? Who comforts them in the night? Why are they not set free to live? Who's sin holds them there? Do you hear their cries for justice?
No. But I do, and I will come to make all things right.
Nations will be judged for their sins, because they do not repent, because they have hardened their hearts against Me. Because they live in tolerance of the sin around them.
A day is coming, when heaven will be silent, and the prayers of the oppressed will rise to me. The heart of the Father will be moved with Righteous Anger over the cries of those you have turned your back on.
I will justify them.
Their cries will not go unanswered for much longer. I will come. And I won't relent until all things are made right and the cries of my children are answered and the wickedness of man is atoned for.
Do not forget that I AM the Righteous Judge.
I will come again as the Judge.
I will come and justify."
Do we understand Him as the Judge? Do we understand His Righteousness in judging the nations for their sins?
My world has been rocked by what i have learned about His character, the truth about who He is. Have we taken the time to understand Him?
Do we know why He hates our complacency?
I am moved by the new understandings i am gaining about Him.
And all i have to say is;
'The Spirit and the Bride say come!'
-Revelations 22:17
Friday, August 27, 2010
All Things New.
My night truly started with the song, Jesus Lover of My Soul. Although i'd been in the prayer room for two hours already, i'd only been in a time of waiting on what God had for me tonight. All in one instant, a reality hit me that stirred me to tears;
"I Love You, i need You, though my world may fall, I'll never let You go, my Savior, my closest Friend, i will worship You until the very end"...
My closest Friend.
God wants to be my closest friend, Jesus, my Savior wants to be my closest friend.
But do i want to be His?
A friend is someone you talk to, a close friend is someone you tell everything to. That you cry with, fight with, go to when your world is upside down.
How many of us can truly say that God is our closest friend?
As my heart ached over the thought that God might not truly be my closest friend in this life, i happened to glance over, and someone caught my eye.
In the corner, slightly hidden from the view of everyone else, was a handicapped girl. And as the song continued on to 'Jesus, Lover of my Soul', the girl sang, completely absorbed in adoration of Jesus. I wept because of the beauty of what i saw in that moment;
He was her closest friend.
How many of us, are so caught up in what we look like to others that we can't worship Him the way that He's asking us. We're so caught up in the complexities of what we think it means to 'know' Him and to 'Love' Him with all of our heart that we miss the simplicity of Loving Him and being Loved by Him.
"Jesus, Lover of my soul, Jesus, i will never let you go, You've taken me, from the miry clay, set my feet upon a rock, and now i know, i Love you"
Thinking about that girl, most normal Americans would see her as someone to pity, to feel bad for. But how can we feel bad, when the Creator of the universe is her best friend?
There is something to be said of simplicity of mind and spirit.
My thoughts turned to Anessa, and the prison she is confined to in this life. But for a moment, what i saw in that girl, i could see in Anessa. She may not be able to talk to us, but i believe she sees and knows more than can.
And someday, she's going to be released from that prison.
I cried tears of joy, and praised God for the day that she would stand among to multitudes and sing to the Lover of her soul. Praise the Lord, in His Kingdom she will be made whole again, the way she was always meant to be.
God is going to take back all the years the enemy has stolen from her.
In Christ, we have a hope for the future.
"I Love You, i need You, though my world may fall, I'll never let You go, my Savior, my closest Friend, i will worship You until the very end"...
My closest Friend.
God wants to be my closest friend, Jesus, my Savior wants to be my closest friend.
But do i want to be His?
A friend is someone you talk to, a close friend is someone you tell everything to. That you cry with, fight with, go to when your world is upside down.
How many of us can truly say that God is our closest friend?
As my heart ached over the thought that God might not truly be my closest friend in this life, i happened to glance over, and someone caught my eye.
In the corner, slightly hidden from the view of everyone else, was a handicapped girl. And as the song continued on to 'Jesus, Lover of my Soul', the girl sang, completely absorbed in adoration of Jesus. I wept because of the beauty of what i saw in that moment;
He was her closest friend.
How many of us, are so caught up in what we look like to others that we can't worship Him the way that He's asking us. We're so caught up in the complexities of what we think it means to 'know' Him and to 'Love' Him with all of our heart that we miss the simplicity of Loving Him and being Loved by Him.
"Jesus, Lover of my soul, Jesus, i will never let you go, You've taken me, from the miry clay, set my feet upon a rock, and now i know, i Love you"
Thinking about that girl, most normal Americans would see her as someone to pity, to feel bad for. But how can we feel bad, when the Creator of the universe is her best friend?
There is something to be said of simplicity of mind and spirit.
My thoughts turned to Anessa, and the prison she is confined to in this life. But for a moment, what i saw in that girl, i could see in Anessa. She may not be able to talk to us, but i believe she sees and knows more than can.
And someday, she's going to be released from that prison.
I cried tears of joy, and praised God for the day that she would stand among to multitudes and sing to the Lover of her soul. Praise the Lord, in His Kingdom she will be made whole again, the way she was always meant to be.
God is going to take back all the years the enemy has stolen from her.
In Christ, we have a hope for the future.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Moved at the sound of your voice
"Your attitude is like the aroma of your heart, if your attitude stinks, your heart probably does too." -Facing the Giants
Sometimes, it's hard to stay engaged down here. There are a lot of distractions all around, and especially while sitting at the Awakening services, it can be hard to stay tuned in when they start ministry times and stuff. But last night, during an intense time of prayer for the FMA students, i stood before God, and told Him that i would wait for Him, no matter if the music moved me or other around me were sitting, standing or kneeling. I felt Him re-reminding me that i wasn't there for others, and that while worshiping i stand before His throne, no one else matters in that place.
As i sat tonight, and felt my mind straying from what was going on i decided that i would stay true to my word, and that i would wait on Him. So i sat, closed my eyes, opened my hands, and let my heart encounter the One who is always waiting for me.
I can't say anything astounding happened. But waiting for Him is always worth it. Even though i didn't experience any shaking, or get slain in the Spirit, just waiting on Him is enough for me.
I know that He will meet me there. That no matter how i've failed, He'll still meet me. He doesn't see my imperfections. It's so refreshing to know that He accepts me just the way i am.
The more i wait, the softer i feel my heart becomes before Him.
This summer, about once a week, i would feel the whispering in my Spirit, the start of a song or chorus. In just these past two days alone, i have heard the whispers of over ten songs, and there is a rumbling in my Spirit, a beat to the new song of His heart that has yet to be released.
There is excitement building in my Spirit to see what He has in store for my life!
Last night, during the same time of ministry that i talked about earlier. They prayed and prophesied over us. And one woman specifically spoke that over my life, that i would hear the whisper of His voice, the songs that are on His heart. And also that His new song would come forth.
Standing in the midst of hundreds of other people, God revealed something to my heart; I am a minister before His throne. When i sing, i stand before the King of Kings, and i have the power to move Him with my song.
It thrilled my small heart to hear the what the Lord of the heavens thinks of me.
As i stood in the midst of hundreds of other people, i knew He could see me. He knows me. And He can always hear my voice.
I raised my hands and sang my heart out to my King. Asking Him to come and meet with me.
A picture flashed on the insides of my eyelids, of Jesus, pushing through the crowd to get to me.
I felt Him reaching for me, as i reached for Him.
The sweetness of waiting on God.
Sometimes, it's hard to stay engaged down here. There are a lot of distractions all around, and especially while sitting at the Awakening services, it can be hard to stay tuned in when they start ministry times and stuff. But last night, during an intense time of prayer for the FMA students, i stood before God, and told Him that i would wait for Him, no matter if the music moved me or other around me were sitting, standing or kneeling. I felt Him re-reminding me that i wasn't there for others, and that while worshiping i stand before His throne, no one else matters in that place.
As i sat tonight, and felt my mind straying from what was going on i decided that i would stay true to my word, and that i would wait on Him. So i sat, closed my eyes, opened my hands, and let my heart encounter the One who is always waiting for me.
I can't say anything astounding happened. But waiting for Him is always worth it. Even though i didn't experience any shaking, or get slain in the Spirit, just waiting on Him is enough for me.
I know that He will meet me there. That no matter how i've failed, He'll still meet me. He doesn't see my imperfections. It's so refreshing to know that He accepts me just the way i am.
The more i wait, the softer i feel my heart becomes before Him.
This summer, about once a week, i would feel the whispering in my Spirit, the start of a song or chorus. In just these past two days alone, i have heard the whispers of over ten songs, and there is a rumbling in my Spirit, a beat to the new song of His heart that has yet to be released.
There is excitement building in my Spirit to see what He has in store for my life!
Last night, during the same time of ministry that i talked about earlier. They prayed and prophesied over us. And one woman specifically spoke that over my life, that i would hear the whisper of His voice, the songs that are on His heart. And also that His new song would come forth.
Standing in the midst of hundreds of other people, God revealed something to my heart; I am a minister before His throne. When i sing, i stand before the King of Kings, and i have the power to move Him with my song.
It thrilled my small heart to hear the what the Lord of the heavens thinks of me.
As i stood in the midst of hundreds of other people, i knew He could see me. He knows me. And He can always hear my voice.
I raised my hands and sang my heart out to my King. Asking Him to come and meet with me.
A picture flashed on the insides of my eyelids, of Jesus, pushing through the crowd to get to me.
I felt Him reaching for me, as i reached for Him.
The sweetness of waiting on God.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
He's calling me, drawing me away...
So, second day of class. I was going to write yesterday, but shoo! We were busy! Okay so to sum it all up in one word-Stellar. Yeah that would just about do it.
Today we had our first chapel, and Corey Russell spoke, but, before he delivered his message, he gave us a few pointers on prayer room etiquette, cause at 6:00 am, it can sometimes get tough to stay awake and stay connected! Here are his four tips;
1) ROCKING! No, Lou Engle didn't invent it-you can do it too! Get your rock on!
2) Pacing. But you should know, as he so kindly pointed out, pacing has it's own set or rules. First please -PLEASE- don't get in anyone else's "highway". And secondly there is a 10-15 minute time limit on pacing-you can't pace for an hour and a half cause then the next poor sleepy person doesn't get a chance!
3) Repeat the phrases. Open your mouth, speak the words, power is released when you speak it.
4) Create a prayer list.
So for those of you who have been in the prayer room, you know why number one and two are practical, yet kind of funny. Corey had us all rolling about prayer room etiquette! And for those of you who have never been in the prayer room, you are SO missing out! So hurry down (or up, or over, what ever it takes)
One of the things Corey talked about was being called into the wilderness. A reality i feel i have been facing this summer.
Hosea chapter 2 is a story, of being drawn into the wilderness. How the Lord calls us out of this world into the wilderness so that we can find Him, and know Him. So He can take full possession of our hearts.
"I will betroth you to me forever; i will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." Hosea 2: 19+20
Starting about mid March, i have felt attacked in every possible area of my life. Literally from friends, to my job, to my marriage, even my faith, i have had one struggle and then the next. Leading to feeling totally abandoned and dejected this summer (which i wrote about in earlier posts)
I fell into a depression and felt like the whole world was against me, while still trying to cling to some small hope.
My hope was God's restoration in my life. His promise.
See, when everything started happening, and everything in my life that could be shaken was, i felt God whisper to me. Saying that He was allowing me to be torn down from the lofty place i'd built for myself; From thinking that i was somehow better than others. From thinking i was always right, that i knew the best way. From thinking that my outward beauty was what attracted others to me. From thinking that i was meant to be someone great.
God allowed me to be torn down...So that He could build me back up.
So that He could restore me.
God takes us out of the world to be with Him, but what good does it do if the world is still in us?
Just like how when He took the Israelites out of Egypt they got out in the wilderness and found they were still carrying Egypt with them! An 11 day journey, turned it a 40 year stay in the desert. He took them out of Egypt, but then He had to leave them in the wilderness so He could take Egypt out of their hearts. (Deuteronomy 8)
The sad truth is, we would rather be slaves in Egypt, then free men in the wilderness.
But why does He call us out into the wilderness? Why does He allow everything we know to turn to dust around us? Because it is there, He prepares us for the plan that He has for us. It is in the wilderness that He meets with us.
God says "Great! You've found your calling! Now i'm going to bring you out into the wilderness to prepare you for it!" (Corey Russell)
More important than what you do, is who you are.
Who are you to God? Who are you in the secret place?
He strips away the world, leaving us naked before Him, so that He can take what remains of our hearts and mold it into who He wants us to be.
I have been broken. Rejected. Hurt. Betrayed. And brought lower than i've ever been before.
Now i'm waiting on God to lead me into the wilderness and restore me to the one He's called me to be.
The one since the dawn of time that He has been dwelling on.
The one He created me to be.
Here we go.
The wilderness is calling.
Today we had our first chapel, and Corey Russell spoke, but, before he delivered his message, he gave us a few pointers on prayer room etiquette, cause at 6:00 am, it can sometimes get tough to stay awake and stay connected! Here are his four tips;
1) ROCKING! No, Lou Engle didn't invent it-you can do it too! Get your rock on!
2) Pacing. But you should know, as he so kindly pointed out, pacing has it's own set or rules. First please -PLEASE- don't get in anyone else's "highway". And secondly there is a 10-15 minute time limit on pacing-you can't pace for an hour and a half cause then the next poor sleepy person doesn't get a chance!
3) Repeat the phrases. Open your mouth, speak the words, power is released when you speak it.
4) Create a prayer list.
So for those of you who have been in the prayer room, you know why number one and two are practical, yet kind of funny. Corey had us all rolling about prayer room etiquette! And for those of you who have never been in the prayer room, you are SO missing out! So hurry down (or up, or over, what ever it takes)
One of the things Corey talked about was being called into the wilderness. A reality i feel i have been facing this summer.
Hosea chapter 2 is a story, of being drawn into the wilderness. How the Lord calls us out of this world into the wilderness so that we can find Him, and know Him. So He can take full possession of our hearts.
"I will betroth you to me forever; i will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." Hosea 2: 19+20
Starting about mid March, i have felt attacked in every possible area of my life. Literally from friends, to my job, to my marriage, even my faith, i have had one struggle and then the next. Leading to feeling totally abandoned and dejected this summer (which i wrote about in earlier posts)
I fell into a depression and felt like the whole world was against me, while still trying to cling to some small hope.
My hope was God's restoration in my life. His promise.
See, when everything started happening, and everything in my life that could be shaken was, i felt God whisper to me. Saying that He was allowing me to be torn down from the lofty place i'd built for myself; From thinking that i was somehow better than others. From thinking i was always right, that i knew the best way. From thinking that my outward beauty was what attracted others to me. From thinking that i was meant to be someone great.
God allowed me to be torn down...So that He could build me back up.
So that He could restore me.
God takes us out of the world to be with Him, but what good does it do if the world is still in us?
Just like how when He took the Israelites out of Egypt they got out in the wilderness and found they were still carrying Egypt with them! An 11 day journey, turned it a 40 year stay in the desert. He took them out of Egypt, but then He had to leave them in the wilderness so He could take Egypt out of their hearts. (Deuteronomy 8)
The sad truth is, we would rather be slaves in Egypt, then free men in the wilderness.
But why does He call us out into the wilderness? Why does He allow everything we know to turn to dust around us? Because it is there, He prepares us for the plan that He has for us. It is in the wilderness that He meets with us.
God says "Great! You've found your calling! Now i'm going to bring you out into the wilderness to prepare you for it!" (Corey Russell)
More important than what you do, is who you are.
Who are you to God? Who are you in the secret place?
He strips away the world, leaving us naked before Him, so that He can take what remains of our hearts and mold it into who He wants us to be.
I have been broken. Rejected. Hurt. Betrayed. And brought lower than i've ever been before.
Now i'm waiting on God to lead me into the wilderness and restore me to the one He's called me to be.
The one since the dawn of time that He has been dwelling on.
The one He created me to be.
Here we go.
The wilderness is calling.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Waiting...
I know i've posted a lot in these past couple of days, but there is so much happening that i want to keep track of!
My hearts cry since i've gotten here, has been to feel a manifestation of God. I desperately want to feel Him. All my life i have watched people come under the power of the Holy Spirit. Laughing with the joy of the Lord, shaking under His awesome power...And i have never felt any of that.
Ever since i got here, i've set my heart before Him and asked Him to touch me in some way. I have felt nothing.
Two nights ago, on the 11th, we had a time of prayer and prophecy over all the new students. And as i sat there waiting for a word, i decided to write in my journal, to express to God in writing the longings of my heart.
"God here i am waiting, but i don't know what i'm waiting for. I want to feel Your touch, but i'm met with absence, I want to hear Your voice, but i'm met with silence."
Before i had even finished writing, a woman came up to me and started talking to me. She told me the Lord had given her a word for me. She said that i was "searching, on a journey for more treasures in Him", she said that "He brought me here to find what i am looking for", and that "He'll meet me here, and it's going to be good".
Isn't it funny how God always knows exactly what you need to hear?
So i continued waiting.
The next night, they called all the new students to the front of the Awakening service and asked everyone to prayer over us. And again i stood there with my hands raised waiting. Just waiting. And asking Him to come and touch me.
Person after person prayed for me, and still i felt nothing.
I cried in my desperation, my burning desire to feel Him. To know that He was there.
The tears were hot, and i just couldn't stop crying.
I was embarrassed of myself and kept trying to wipe them away but they kept coming.
"Why can't i feel You? Why won't you touch me?"
They just kept coming, they wouldn't stop, and then as everyone else was laughing around me, i felt a heaviness come over me, and He asked me a question;
"Even if I never touch you, will you still seek Me?"
I couldn't help crying then, and i hurt. Inside and out. Just the pain of knowing that yes, even if He never came in the way i so wanted Him to, i would seek Him.
"Yes Lord." I whispered. "Even if you never touch me, i'll never stop seeking You, i'll never stop waiting for Your to come."
And then He chuckled over me. Softly. Like it was so sweet of me to say so, but He already knew.
Then He let me see myself as He saw me. It was like in those movies where the picture starts slowly zooming out from the people, to the city, to the state, to the world and then on to the solar system. I felt myself zooming farther and farther out, but the whole time, i could clearly see myself. Even when the world was just a little dot and i was staring through the clouds i could see myself with my hands raised, tears rolling down my cheeks, inviting Him to come.
It was an amazing view!
And then He revealed to me, that this whole time i was longing for Him to touch me, He was touching me. It wasn't the way i wanted, so i couldn't see it. I always wished for the laughter, or the shaking, or to be slain in the spirit. But He touches me with His mercy, softening my heart with tears of love. It was an awesome thing to realize after all this time!
For so long i've believe that i've never felt His touch, i was just so caught up in how He was touching others, that i wasn't paying attention how He was touching me.
It got even better.
Then He showed me how He speaks to me. I always knew it, i just had a hard time really believing He was speaking and it wasn't just coming from my own heart. The Lord speaks to me in song. He's been giving me songs all summer, i've just let myself loose sight of what's He revealed to my heart. I let myself be jealous of others and they way they heard and felt God.
How silly of me :)
I have many songs that i am going to work to put to songs, now that i really know that they are the whispers of God.
He spoke one last thing, that just might become a tag line to a song someday;
It's not me who is waiting on You...It's You who has always been waiting for me.
My hearts cry since i've gotten here, has been to feel a manifestation of God. I desperately want to feel Him. All my life i have watched people come under the power of the Holy Spirit. Laughing with the joy of the Lord, shaking under His awesome power...And i have never felt any of that.
Ever since i got here, i've set my heart before Him and asked Him to touch me in some way. I have felt nothing.
Two nights ago, on the 11th, we had a time of prayer and prophecy over all the new students. And as i sat there waiting for a word, i decided to write in my journal, to express to God in writing the longings of my heart.
"God here i am waiting, but i don't know what i'm waiting for. I want to feel Your touch, but i'm met with absence, I want to hear Your voice, but i'm met with silence."
Before i had even finished writing, a woman came up to me and started talking to me. She told me the Lord had given her a word for me. She said that i was "searching, on a journey for more treasures in Him", she said that "He brought me here to find what i am looking for", and that "He'll meet me here, and it's going to be good".
Isn't it funny how God always knows exactly what you need to hear?
So i continued waiting.
The next night, they called all the new students to the front of the Awakening service and asked everyone to prayer over us. And again i stood there with my hands raised waiting. Just waiting. And asking Him to come and touch me.
Person after person prayed for me, and still i felt nothing.
I cried in my desperation, my burning desire to feel Him. To know that He was there.
The tears were hot, and i just couldn't stop crying.
I was embarrassed of myself and kept trying to wipe them away but they kept coming.
"Why can't i feel You? Why won't you touch me?"
They just kept coming, they wouldn't stop, and then as everyone else was laughing around me, i felt a heaviness come over me, and He asked me a question;
"Even if I never touch you, will you still seek Me?"
I couldn't help crying then, and i hurt. Inside and out. Just the pain of knowing that yes, even if He never came in the way i so wanted Him to, i would seek Him.
"Yes Lord." I whispered. "Even if you never touch me, i'll never stop seeking You, i'll never stop waiting for Your to come."
And then He chuckled over me. Softly. Like it was so sweet of me to say so, but He already knew.
Then He let me see myself as He saw me. It was like in those movies where the picture starts slowly zooming out from the people, to the city, to the state, to the world and then on to the solar system. I felt myself zooming farther and farther out, but the whole time, i could clearly see myself. Even when the world was just a little dot and i was staring through the clouds i could see myself with my hands raised, tears rolling down my cheeks, inviting Him to come.
It was an amazing view!
And then He revealed to me, that this whole time i was longing for Him to touch me, He was touching me. It wasn't the way i wanted, so i couldn't see it. I always wished for the laughter, or the shaking, or to be slain in the spirit. But He touches me with His mercy, softening my heart with tears of love. It was an awesome thing to realize after all this time!
For so long i've believe that i've never felt His touch, i was just so caught up in how He was touching others, that i wasn't paying attention how He was touching me.
It got even better.
Then He showed me how He speaks to me. I always knew it, i just had a hard time really believing He was speaking and it wasn't just coming from my own heart. The Lord speaks to me in song. He's been giving me songs all summer, i've just let myself loose sight of what's He revealed to my heart. I let myself be jealous of others and they way they heard and felt God.
How silly of me :)
I have many songs that i am going to work to put to songs, now that i really know that they are the whispers of God.
He spoke one last thing, that just might become a tag line to a song someday;
It's not me who is waiting on You...It's You who has always been waiting for me.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Clouded Minds
Wow! So much is happening! So much break through is going on! We're three days in now...And we haven't even started school yet!
Sitting in the prayer room today, consecrating myself to what God has for me in these next few years, i felt Him lift the veil from my eyes and help me to see the war over my spirit that has been going on. Off and on my whole life i've gone in and out of the place of being totally confused with who i am, where i belong and how He feels about me. The devil is in a nasty battle with Christ for my heart, and this summer, he was winning.
I'm sad to say that i let myself believe the lies that the world was telling me. I fought for awhile with Christ's strength against to onslaught of the devil, but there came to a point that i was so overwhelmed by four different situations in my life, that all came at me at the same time, that i switched from God's strength to my own. And that was when my mind started to fall into confusion, and i started to believe the whispers of the evil one.
These past few months i feel that i have been beat on, in just about every way you can imagine. My hurt ran so deep that I literally pushed everyone away from me in order to keep myself from being hurt more. And the saddest part is, i wasn't relying on God to be my strength. I wasn't going to Him with my hurt, and i wasn't listening to what He had to say about me or what was going on in my life. I was so bogged down with believing the lies that Satan was telling me, that i fell back into my old self. I lost sight of who i am, i missed a whole summer of opportunities to be me, and that deeply grieves my heart.
As i sat in the GPR (global prayer room), i felt God speaking softly to me, breaking the lies that i had bought into. And as i started to rebuke the confusion of my mind, Misty Edwards (who was leading the set) started singing this song;
"The devil is a liar and i won't buy it! Cause i'm in Love with God and God's in Love with me, this is who i am and this is who i'll be and that settle's it. Completely."
I sang along and began rebuking the devil's hold on my mind and the confusion started to lift. Suddenly i felt like God had thrown me a life line! Thank you Lord for saving me! Believing in me! And never giving up on me!
It's so easy to buy into the lies that Satan speaks over our lives. Especially when everything the world says is so contrary to what God says about you. We truly live in a time when it is so hard to hear the voice of God because our minds are so clouded with what we hear and see in the world around us. But who wants to be like the world? Who wanted to live an empty life full of sin, just so we can enjoy the pleasures of the world around us?
Not me. Not anymore.
If my name means nothing to the world, all the better because i am everything to Him.
I only have room to please one; What will it be? God, or the world?
I choose God.
Sitting in the prayer room today, consecrating myself to what God has for me in these next few years, i felt Him lift the veil from my eyes and help me to see the war over my spirit that has been going on. Off and on my whole life i've gone in and out of the place of being totally confused with who i am, where i belong and how He feels about me. The devil is in a nasty battle with Christ for my heart, and this summer, he was winning.
I'm sad to say that i let myself believe the lies that the world was telling me. I fought for awhile with Christ's strength against to onslaught of the devil, but there came to a point that i was so overwhelmed by four different situations in my life, that all came at me at the same time, that i switched from God's strength to my own. And that was when my mind started to fall into confusion, and i started to believe the whispers of the evil one.
These past few months i feel that i have been beat on, in just about every way you can imagine. My hurt ran so deep that I literally pushed everyone away from me in order to keep myself from being hurt more. And the saddest part is, i wasn't relying on God to be my strength. I wasn't going to Him with my hurt, and i wasn't listening to what He had to say about me or what was going on in my life. I was so bogged down with believing the lies that Satan was telling me, that i fell back into my old self. I lost sight of who i am, i missed a whole summer of opportunities to be me, and that deeply grieves my heart.
As i sat in the GPR (global prayer room), i felt God speaking softly to me, breaking the lies that i had bought into. And as i started to rebuke the confusion of my mind, Misty Edwards (who was leading the set) started singing this song;
"The devil is a liar and i won't buy it! Cause i'm in Love with God and God's in Love with me, this is who i am and this is who i'll be and that settle's it. Completely."
I sang along and began rebuking the devil's hold on my mind and the confusion started to lift. Suddenly i felt like God had thrown me a life line! Thank you Lord for saving me! Believing in me! And never giving up on me!
It's so easy to buy into the lies that Satan speaks over our lives. Especially when everything the world says is so contrary to what God says about you. We truly live in a time when it is so hard to hear the voice of God because our minds are so clouded with what we hear and see in the world around us. But who wants to be like the world? Who wanted to live an empty life full of sin, just so we can enjoy the pleasures of the world around us?
Not me. Not anymore.
If my name means nothing to the world, all the better because i am everything to Him.
I only have room to please one; What will it be? God, or the world?
I choose God.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A New Song
Today, was the first day of orientation at IHOPU. How do i explain my feelings of dis-orientation while at orientation? I have had a growing sense of urgency, and nervousness the closer we've gotten to the start of school. I couldn't really put a name to why i was nervous, or what was making me so restless, but the feelings just wouldn't go away. And sitting in orientation listening to people talk about what we were about to step into i felt even more nervous. I'm mean seriously, what was i doing there? What were we thinking? We gave up security-a house, two jobs, money, friends-and moved away to go to school, and not even a lofty school that would earn us big degrees and high paying jobs after, but a school that taught exactly the opposite of what the world was teaching. They were asking us to devote our time to worshiping someone we can't see, give up food to fast and pray, spend countless hours pleading for other nations, and for what? Just so i can say that i did it?
Dis-orientated at orientation. Lovely.
And then, Terri Terry from FMA (Forerunner Music Academy) got up and said that God had given her a song for all the FMA students (ps, that's me). They asked us to stand, and this is what was sung over us;
"He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to the Lord. Many will see, many will hear, and put their trust, their trust in the Lord."
They asked us to raise our hands, and to repeat what we were hearing, because it was the song for our class.
And standing there, with my hands raised singing a song i've never heard, i knew; This is why i am here. This is what i was made for.
Nothing else matters. Everything that i gave up was nothing, nothing compared to knowing who i am in His eyes and what He made me for. How could i ever think that the things of this world would be worth more than what He can give me? Anything i have to do without while seeking Him is nothing compared to what i gain for being consecrated unto Him. Nothing is worth more than His Love.
I've always been slightly uncomfortable in my own skin. Not ever feeling like i really fit anywhere. People always told me i was unique, different, just a polite way of saying i was weird. But right then, in that moment, God made it clear to me that this is exactly where i belong. In His presence, with a new song on my lips, a worshiper who will never fit in with the world, but will always have a place in the eye of my Maker.
God led us here to show me who i am, and where i fit in His Kingdom.
I am a worshiper, and no matter what the world says or how they hate me, i know who i am to Him.
Dis-orientated at orientation. Lovely.
And then, Terri Terry from FMA (Forerunner Music Academy) got up and said that God had given her a song for all the FMA students (ps, that's me). They asked us to stand, and this is what was sung over us;
"He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to the Lord. Many will see, many will hear, and put their trust, their trust in the Lord."
They asked us to raise our hands, and to repeat what we were hearing, because it was the song for our class.
And standing there, with my hands raised singing a song i've never heard, i knew; This is why i am here. This is what i was made for.
Nothing else matters. Everything that i gave up was nothing, nothing compared to knowing who i am in His eyes and what He made me for. How could i ever think that the things of this world would be worth more than what He can give me? Anything i have to do without while seeking Him is nothing compared to what i gain for being consecrated unto Him. Nothing is worth more than His Love.
I've always been slightly uncomfortable in my own skin. Not ever feeling like i really fit anywhere. People always told me i was unique, different, just a polite way of saying i was weird. But right then, in that moment, God made it clear to me that this is exactly where i belong. In His presence, with a new song on my lips, a worshiper who will never fit in with the world, but will always have a place in the eye of my Maker.
God led us here to show me who i am, and where i fit in His Kingdom.
I am a worshiper, and no matter what the world says or how they hate me, i know who i am to Him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)